my cousin Neil

borrowed from Oh, snap- and Jocelyn M

thnx Jocelyn M- thnx-

Neil Nash stories are so intertwined with NYC it's hard to see clearly from so far away- in the west- where it's safe and quiet-

but when i was a new wave kid laying in my bed listening to the radio in ninth grade- Neil Nash would ride up state to visit Aunt Joe and uncle Neil - sleep in my room -on the pull out bed and tell me the most amazing stories of growing up in the city, all the bands i wish i could have seen- with him-the films- the adventures the lure, his attractiveness in strength, personality and looks- to a fourteen year old dork- were overwhelming-

we'd lay awake talking- and he'd tell me about this crazy film called Endless Summer- which he had seen as a kid- and how he'd wanted to be a beach bum- his parents had a junky old house in Amaganset, Long Island- where we all got kicked out of -the whole family was spending years fixing the place up- the rooms were filled with clam shells and wine bottles-

i think Neil said his old surf board is still there-

i have an inch long scar on my left eye lid from when he smashed Hugh's head into mine and of course mine had blown up in bloody fountains- whenever i look in the mirror, i can see and feel that moment and i smile-

then i remember the phone calls from Miami- from a street corner- from a bar- how Hugh and he needed back up- you have to get down here- they'd hijacked a van full of Mods and were driving to . . . who knows where-

playing pool at the Acorn pub with Tommy and Neil throwing down hundred dollar bills- deep into the night

the crazy Frenchy chasing us in a rental car with a knife just like the night before the cab driver had done while we stole a dingy and tried to stow-away on an ocean liner-

leading a filthy muddy grubbing gang of kids- eight of us lost in the woods-through the swamps to the highway to hitchhike home-but who would have picked this mob up- in Carmel,NY

sitting on the tailgate of a black truck with Stella, in front of the Ear Inn on wonderfully short September nights- driving my truck down 5 th ave- on the sidewalk for ten blocks- laughing-

watching Hugh just about die in the ocean with boulders and swell against the tide/ high dives

all the ska shows and Urban Blight shows and all the fights and parties- and our two apartments side by side on the sixth floor of the Mildred on 5th st

blowing the forest to pieces with shotguns and Eddy D -five maniacs in an ice covered world trying to kill squirrels to eat their hearts

calling me up to tell me about books and films and dreaming of having a Tattooed bikini put upon himself in hyper realism

i'm glad he told me all those stories about surfing- and i'm glad two years ago i took him out on dawn patrol with me

while i surfed we talked and he floated next to me- just his head rising and falling with the swell and the sun rising in front of us, there were waves so i got to really surf - but it wasn't like we were kids, though i was trying really hard anyway to show him that i could surf- and i did- and he floated next to me and really smiled

all the things i had heard of him and the things i had witnessed- his legend and life - all the things i can't remember - the regular moments of his life i never saw ended this morning at four am

Neil Nash died this morning- with the Buddhists and his wife- the kids playing

and me -so far away- so sorry-


  1. Neil I'm honored you're using those photos. I love both of them, especially the first one because it was a temporary background that's now gone and also because you can see his Claddagh wedding ring so clearly (not in the resolution above, but I'll send you a bigger one so you can see)...Martha's strength through this whole ordeal has been awe-inspiring and I love how there's a representation of their union in there, too. Well I can't believe it, as much as I knew it was coming, it'll take a while to accept this loss. I'm just so glad he left us so many great stories to tell each other and laugh about and shake our heads in amazement over.

  2. Neil, This was such a beautiful story of your memory's of your cousin. The tears, the laughs and everything else you went through together.I am sure he is loving all the stories and grinning from ear to

  3. neil that is so moving. so we never had our reunion and i never got to see neil even tho i moved back to NY a few weeks ago. . . . .when i wanted to go it was not a good time for him and then he was gone. . . .we never had our cousins' reunion, it was too expensive and we are a bunch of eclectics, my survey results were all over the map and nobody could agree on any time place or thing. but we will see each other again soon i feel. so far i have seen only cousin barbara since being back. . . .are you on facebook and what is your email (i lost it when i got a new computer and deleted my old account. now i am ?

  4. Hey Cuz
    he comforted us til the end. just like him. didn't want us to be upset.
    i'll miss my big bro forever.
    xcuz julie


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